Saturday, August 27, 2011

Lump in throat (17 June 2009)

It's just ironic that this blog that I started over a year ago didn't have anything in if it was waiting for me to have a real lump in my throat before I started writing. So, allow me to indulge myself.

It was just nice to go over my past blogs and read the stuff that moved me last year and although I am still moved, I guess life has just showed me that people do what life allows them to do what they can. I am a little defeated by life right now- I feel very disempowered, I feel like my existence means nothing that I mean nothing right now. My bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed-ness has sort of faded, you know? Like here I was rah, rah, rah, all geared up to save my world one African at a time but I can't even take care of this African! I've let myself become demoralised, useless, distant, unyielding, cold, disconnected, uncaring, self-pitying...basically a loser because I've been knocked about a bit- OK, a lot but still!

1 comment:

  1. I hear you honey. I keep feeling as if I'm being crushed breathless by fear and the harder I fight the less likely my escape seems. Can happiness - pure simple happiness - really be this hard to achieve?? I'm praying hard right now and sending prayers up for you too *LOVE*